he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
