Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
