Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wanna passion pit in your ass
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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