And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
