Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
