So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
