the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
