I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
