so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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