Can i not drive my cunt home
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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