Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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