I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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