Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My feet surprised me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
