mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
