I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
