i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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