They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
