I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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