I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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