3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
