i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
