I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
