the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
