Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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