Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
