I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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