Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
