Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
