Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
