Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
