I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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