I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
