i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
