PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
