I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just had sex bonerless
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
