her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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