Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
