Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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