Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
