Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
