She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
