Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
