You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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