that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
