I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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