Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
