Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
