i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So many bounce houses so little time
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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