He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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