dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
