really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
