Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it's like iHOP with fire
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
