she looked like the bat from fern gully.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
