it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
