I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
