Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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