We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
