I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Alive.
So much puke
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
