There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
