I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
