did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
