Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
