I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
